Wednesday, February 24, 2010

FIFTY HUNNERD

So Eldest Son has arrived in Florianopolis! YAY!!! No more worry, as he's in the Lord's hands now, which is good cuz he'd be covered in doughnut crumbs right now if he were in mine. Speaking of doughnuts, did you know that if you break them into pieces and shake them, the calories fall out of the inner cake and you can eat as many of those pieces as you want? I know! Science is my favorite!

For entertainment purposes, I'll share with you yesterday's conversation with second son. He would like to~

~"become a better man" by saving up for a nicer vehicle and paying for it himself, because he just doesn't feel like it's "right" that the 20 something year old car he's driving now was just "given" to him. No, no, it's just not right. He really, really REALLY feels like he can build character by being able to save up for a BRAND NEW SPORTS CAR, because, as everybody knows, this is the only time in his entire life that he'll be able to JUST FOCUS ON HIM, as later on, he'll be on a mission, you know, and then come home~but he can drive that car to college, so it's foresight~and get married and have children, which will mean he's an adult and AAAALLLLL of the joy and wonder will go pouring out of his life like broken doughnut calories, and he will no longer be able to get that BRAND NEW SPORTS CAR, which is, OF COURSE, necessary to his JOY, HAPPINESS AND FULFILLMENT here on the earth,~

~(right about here, his enthusiasm dwindles, as he hears the words coming out of his mouth and realizes they sound like hop-toad farts. The flame flickers and dances, but he's committed and must finish what he started)~

~as EVERYONE KNOWS that SPORTS CARS are A REQUIREMENT for all young men who happen to be REALLY, REALLY INTERESTED IN CARS~like HE is. He feels this deeply...to his white hot magma core...and is just looking ahead in his life to make sure he never feels DISSATISFIED with his material possessions and youthful attainment...(Aaaaand...his NEW SPORTS CAR battery runs right ...down...to...chirping...crickets...)

Bless his heart.

I heard him out with a grin and then asked, "Um, what's that one scripture, that one that says something about "seeking?" He wasn't sure what I was talking about. "You know, the one that starts out like, 'Seek ye first the kingdom of God, and then all things shall be added unto you?' Something like that."

And immediately, a "SSSSSSSSsssssssssss" was heard from his eyeballs as every imaginary male in the world performed the 'unzip and extinguish' to the fire in his soul. But to his credit, and I'm being serious here, tremendous humility and maturity were displayed. He even smiled at the end. He already knew.

Which once again proves to me these spirits sent down to us now are just LEAPS AND BOUNDS, HORDS AND GOBS, FIFTY-HUNNERD TIMES better than WE (you mostly, but to sound humble, I'll include myself) were at that age. How in the WORLD are we supposed to raise them?

Well, what's worked for me is to eat a box of doughnuts and then hold my goopy hands in the air, professing, "Hey. Can someone help me out here? I can't really do much, cuz see? My hands are covered in slob. Lord? Will you please take care of him for a couple years till I can get this mess cleaned up? Thanksomuch! Preshiatcha!" And VOILA! There you go!

Don't ever say I never gave you anything. That brilliance right there is worth diamonds and gold! You're welcome.

8 comments:

Krista said...

Boys! There is a special place in Heaven for moms that have boys. It's a good thing we have doughnuts to get us through this thing called parenting.

Fat, Female and Forty said...

Amazing that I could comment on the same night as American Idol! Fifty hunnerd is a lot - a slight exaggeration. Why can't they just be like a cake where you put them in the oven and they come out and Vwaahlaah! They are more like a souffle where you hope they don't sink after they come out. Sons = souffles. But smellier.

Megan Dewey Clark said...

Lisa you are hilarious. I love the tone of your blog. It makes me smile.

Lisa said...

Krista/Fifi~funny that you commented twice in a different voice each time. You're silly. :) But it makes me look more "popliar" which is awesome.

Megan, thank you, my dear graduated to real life young woman! Love you!

Kara Elmore said...

I think you should say YES to a new car. NEW to HIM. Like the brown bomb. Or my orange pinto.

Erica Borrowman said...

THIS is one of your best! I LOVED it! Submit, sista! :)

Brenda @Just a Bed of Roses said...

Orange Pinto suggestion is note worthy, you have good friends that can help you keep things in perspective too Lisa.

And I have never seen the word Preshiatcha spelled out...see, my daughter is right we are building our new vocabulary each day hangin out with you...and lovin it!

Brenda @Just a Bed of Roses said...

and speaking of missionaries, glad yours in in Gods care now...that's always a big blessing. We have Jordan Crosbys homecoming today, cant wait to see that boy I love so much and miss.

And I am hoping to meet the dear father of yours who helped create your sense of humor and your beautiful self. You owe that man!