Friday, February 12, 2010

MORNING MUSK

ARE YOU FREAKIN' KIDDING ME?!! Seriously, angry slit eyes and lifted eyebrows worthy of botched plastic surgery are being sent through the Universe network to Hollywood and whoever gave a thumbs up to taking the two HOTTEST men in the Valentine's Day movie and making them LOVRRRRSSS! That's right. You heard me. BOY LOVRRRRSSSS for Valentine's Day. Can you say "pandering to politically correct agendas?"

Now there was other hetero-smut passing for love, too. Namely fornication, adultery and phone sex. But the thing that was just more than I could handle...that brought me to fling my head back, three snaps in a ZEE formation with righteous indignation and "Oh no you di-nt!" was the fact that EVERY SINGLE COUPLE...EVERY ONE OF THEM...KISSED~nay, MADE OUT PASSIONATELY when they had just. woken. up.

I KNOW!!!

And they close talked. With morning breath! Because as EVERYBODY KNOWS, nothin' says lovin' like MORNING MUSK AND EYE BOOGERS.

So reality check~have the writers/producers never been the recipient of little baby sweaters knit over their teeth during the night? Do they have no sense of smell...or how about a healthy gag reflex? Not to brag, but when we say our morning prayers, I turn my entire body in the opposite direction and cup my hand over my mouth, just so the sulfuric vapors have further to travel before they slam into the rest of the families faces. It's what I do...because I'm self aware...and I'm human.

Therefore, I pose this question~ Where was Adam's Eve when this movie was being made? Sound random? Well, here's the basis. Bitty Boo was remarking that Heavenly Father didn't let Adam get very far before he was put back to slumber and Eve was formed. Like maybe two steps and here comes "deeeeeeep sleeeeeeeeeep." Which makes sense, really. I mean, he'd started making and naming things like Armadillos...and Octopus...and Tarantulas. I know. Who does that? Adam~when he's alone~that's who.

Then Eve is brought into the garden and suddenly the sky is being painted blue, there's a roast in the oven and flowers are being christened Violet and Rose. Shoulder shrug. I'm just the messenger here, folks. Put the gun down.

So my point is, Eve has gone missing. And this is just me talking, but it might have something to do with open mouth kissing in the morning musk dawn.



I'd flee, too. Ew.









6 comments:

Brenda @Just a Bed of Roses said...

I'm telling you Lisa...you said just yesterday you had no idea what to blog about...I said with Valentines week-end? And then a movie ends up being blog worthy!

Rightly so as it sounds you have a message for HOLLYWOOD (their sick agendas) and for US...we don't need to see that crap for Valentines or anytime. If Kara was with you I can visualize her laying on the floor barfing.

As far as Adam and Eve...well...I have never even let my mind go there, so this was good for my imagination, makes perfect sense.
Especially Armadillo. Some names are just bad...Good grief.

Every sentence just a riot to read... knit sweaters over our morning teeth, priceless! Carl missed my laughter as he left to go buy groceries...um hmmm its 6:00 a.m. did you know he loves food? (really the grandkids are coming for his famous root beer floats in his antique A & W mugs tonight). Did I tell you he is a party animal?
And I know we are still family, your mom said so yesterday...however No Valentines babysitting this weekend okay?

Lisa said...

Oh, Brenda, I don't think it's just Carl that is the party animal. I've heard some growling and roaring coming from deep in the back of your throat from time to time. :) Thank you for always being my fan. Love you!

kara elmore said...

LITTLE BABY KNIT SWEATERS ON YOUR TEETH???????????????????????

That one sent my bladder into a frenzy!!!!!!!!!!!

Krista said...

Usually when I wake up and I absolutely have to be around people (like visitors, etc.) I say something like, "Ew. I think a dog pooped in my mouth when I was sleeping." We also call it "Zactlies." One end smells "zactly" the same as the other. Hollywood is just full of fakes with people who spray their mouths with breath freshener. Or maybe the actors are good enough to not cringe when poo poo breath talks right in their face? Hmmmmm.

Mimi Sue said...

Found your blog through darling Brenda. You are toooo funny. I'll be back to see what you come up with tomorrow. Mimi

Lisa said...

Mimi~so glad to have you here. I'll thank Brenda for being my biggest fan and shamelessly promoting me and my blog. She loves me, you know. It's a problem. :)