Tuesday, February 2, 2010


Just got home from the salon, and can I just say that I hope I never, ever have enough time or desire, as my hairdresser did, to separate my locks into thousands of individual strands, spray it, wax it, rat it and flat iron it into baby water spouts and rainbows all over my head.

I am my own gay pride parade.

So last night, we gathered for Family Home Evening and waited for our youngest son to teach us the lesson. And when I say "teach," I mean, "monotone recitation with intermittent booger sniffs from what might as well have been the health care reform act without any inflection animation or attention to punctuation."

It was...captivating.

I stared~cross eyed~around the room and found myself reading everybody's thought bubbles. They ranged from oily noses to enlarged prostates, with a smattering of hidden candy and Diet Coke thrown in for fun. Hard to tell whose was whose.

Now friends, we try to be obedient and have these gospel lessons in our home each week. But we've also found that we open arm and loud laughter embrace these occasions when they arrive loaded down with ice cream and doughnuts. It's like a conduit that allows the spirit to come busting in through the front doors, all happy and spiritual and ready to enlighten~rather than slinking in through the basement window all stoic and somber and quoting from scripture. Not that there's anything wrong with the word of God, but it's OH SO MUCH MORE TASTY with seven or eight licorice sticks hanging out of your lips like cigars.

And I just feel sorry for the poor, ornery fool who doesn't recognize and advocate the compatibility of sugar, fat, gospel and family. What a waste. It's synergy, people. And we've talked about this concept before, but it bares repeating. It goes something like this...Treats=smiles=joy=happy=spiritual=family=celestial=Godly= MUST BE A BLESSING FROM OUR HEAVENLY FATHER.

So let us continue in our quest for eternal families. Determined, steadfast and immovable...

...lumpy, lethargic and in a smiley sugar coma.

Whatever it takes to be together forever.


Brenda @Just a Bed of Roses said...

I was hoping for a visual aid of the gay pride parade hair do Lisa. Your hair looked good the day before.
I'm sure you should re-write the fHEvening manuals...making it more sugary and effective? Or write the Ensign...make some sweet suggestions?
Oh I remember the days...we even had some FHEvenings recorded when the kids were 1,3 and 5 years old. That was 1978-80 or so...many treats then too.

Anonymous said...

Can you hear my Krispy Kreme box calling out to you? I keep slamming the lid shut cuz they're all for ME!!! OK...I'll be Christ-like and share. That's what FHE is all about....sharing...and food :)

Shout out to KARA...My daughter said you did a fabulous job tonight! Now will you teach her some home-making skills cuz they're going in one ear and out the other coming from ME!!! Maybe you and Lis would be more effective than I am!!!

Love ya....Anony

Fat, Female and Forty said...

We call ours "Family Home Evil-ing" or "Forced Family Fun." I think they feel pressured to be perfect when we're all together - NOT!

Krista said...

Okay, Lisa Babe, I have probably made your stat counter turn over at least 10 times today. #1 - I told my friend (who is a new follower of yours, BTW) about you. #2 - I read and went somewhere else, etc., #3, #4, #5, #6, #7, #8 and now I am back because I am a faithful friend and always leave you a comment, which shows you that I appreciate your thoughts and humor. That is why I am a "follower". But I happened to notice the love isn't returned and I thought, "Maybe Lisa doesn't appreciate my thoughts and attempt at humor." But you do leave lovely comments so I thought "Maybe she's just too embarrassed to know me" but then I read your farting story and well, that can't be it. Then I thought, "Maybe she just hates you and thinks you're ugly." Well, that was Satan talking and I told her to go to bed. So, we're friends that date back to 1983 (when we were still in playpens of course) and Nicki and I were flaunting our hunka hunka boyfriends around. Well, mine turned out to be a dweeb, but that's a whole 'nother blog post. Her's turned out to be a successful lawyer. No loss to her, that would be stepping down from where she's at, of course. So the moral of this story is don't take a pain killer and leave comments. I love you, man!

Lisa said...

Dear drugged up Krista~If you'll notice, by actually CHECKING your followers, I have been one of yours for months now. Go ahead. Go to my "blogs that I follow" and there you are! Love YOU, woman.

FFF~so YOUR children try as hard as MINE to be perfect, too? I thought MY children were the only ones concerned with the "Honor thy parents" commandment.

Anony~Great. Now I have to go buy some Krispy Kremes today. Your fault. And when my sister comes and sees my girth, I'll point at your house.

Brenda~the gay pride parade is over. I slept all over it and the revelers went home. They won't be back for another ten weeks, but I'll take a pic and post it then. Good times await. :)

Brenda @Just a Bed of Roses said...

There's alot of love going on here I can see.

Here is a blog on my bloglist that she has "kind of" a sense of humor you and your followers have and she does photography.

I just love Annie.

Speaking of hair...sorry to have missed your "do". I gotta run get ready for my half day of work.
I hope Krista doesnt mind, I found she had an advertisement for a blogger get together on her fun blog and I advertised it. Last night I called her Erica but its since been changed to Krista...sorry to both of you, its just how I think sometimes.