Monday, March 22, 2010

CHOO CHOO

I just went for a refreshing walk...and still haven't sucked in a full lung of air. Just kind of hyper-ventilated the entire time. Is that bad?

So, Big news~we got a new Mac computer! Our kids begged...

and begged...

and begged!


We said, "Hell no!"...

"Not right now." ...

"Grab the keys and hop in the car!"

I know. It's all about consistency. And by the way, I will be the instructor for an "effective parenting and loving boundaries" class later this month. I teach my example...clearly.

So of course, their bums haven't been out of the library chair since we unpacked the MONSTROUS 27 inch MONITOR. But I gotta say, that thing is FREAKIN' COOL! And it would be even COOLER if I knew how to work it. Dare to dream. I know, I'm supposed to stay hip, groovy and with it, (just like the words I often use) as I told all of my friends in high school that I intended to do when I became a mom. I also told them I would, "ALWAYS, ALWAYS, ALWAYS RIDE THE RIDES AT LAGOON!!!" Couldn't IMAGINE not finding incredible delight in swirling and twirling...never thought it would lead to hurling.

Speaking of hurling...once again...I know. Don't pretend you don't enjoy it. Anyway, got a letter from missionary son and he had a great experience. He was on a 7 hour bus ride, going to his first baptism. The bus was lurching from side to side, and he began a horrible stomachache. His seat companion offered chocolate, and he felt compelled to accept. I don't know why, either. Anyway, soon he was relegated to singing "I am a child of God" in his head, as he pleaded for mercy from the heavens to not do anything that would lead to him being labeled, how did he put it?..."Vomitando homen" or Barf Man, in English. QUIT LOOKING AT ME LIKE THAT! THIS STORY ENDS WELL. So his prayers were answered, as he drifted off to sleep and woke up to realize he'd made it through the ordeal fully in tact. The end. Geez. You guys are so quick to assume.

But once again, his story turns into mine~cuz it's all about me. So, when I was in high school, a gaggle of stupid girls (yes, I was one of them) went out with some even MORE stupider Return Missionaries. What made the RM's doltish? Well, how about the fact that they had asked out a daft gaggle of eager and 'we're-easily-impressed-without-effort' 17 year olds? I know. (eyeroll.) Anyway, they took us up a horribly winding road in a weensy little VW Bug, and I was in the back seat, "sitting" on my date's lap...which all girls know is a HUGE fake-out, because we're not about to let them feel our full weight, as they might realize we're heavier than we look...which we've gone to great pains to lie about, too. Nope, instead I held my entire weight with my Olympic skater-like thigh muscles and hovered.

Sooooo relaxing.

Anyway, after a couple of minutes of this, I turned the most appealing shade of booger green you can imagine. Upper lip sweat and a steady, unending supply of prayers ascending up into the heavens along with my rolling eyeballs. I won't go into the full repartee, but the end result was an INSISTENT AND PROFUSE CROSS MY HEART PLEDGE TO THROW UP ON MY WEDDING DAY, NO REALLY, I DON'T EVEN MIND IF I'M IN MY DRESS, OR ON MY WEDDING NIGHT, IF YOU THINK IT'S FAIR, HEAVENLY FATHER, BECAUSE REALLY, REALLY, IT MEANS THIS MUCH TO ME..SO SERIOUSLY, HAND TO THE HEAVENS, IF YOU KEEP ME FROM HURLING IN THE BACK SEAT OF THIS BUG, I WILL GLADLY BARF ON MY WAY TO THE TEMPLE!!!"

Happily for me, Heavenly Father has better foresight than we Earth dwellers, and he throws tender mercies into my lap on very regular occasion. No Vomitando homen...or woman, thank heavens.
So to sum up...Mac computers+spoiled children+missionary's with stomachaches+mothers who hover+unable to catch my breath on a walk+weensy VW bugs=today's blog.

What a train of thought...choo chooooooo.....









9 comments:

Sunshine said...

Fine... I won't bug you about not cleaning, and I'll even pretend I don't clean (because really compared to my mother in law, I don't)...

But... I hate vomit, want a mac computer, and haven't gone on a walk today.

Loves!

Sunshine said...

and, I was the FIRST! Yep, me, I was the first to comment... not anybody else, just me!

Kay said...

Wow, I got car sick just reading today's entry. This blog stuff is fun!

Linda said...

You are adorable. We love our Macs. They are so fun and easy to use. I like them because they think like women. Very practical. Love missionary stories. Vomit and all. I also blogged about throw up today!

Anonymous said...

You haven't really had the full experience until trapped in a car, both hands covering your mouth, except for a tiny puke hole, placing the contents under extreme pressure, painting art work on several windows, and someone saying, "Hey, what's this stuff on my window?" You'd explain, but to do so would have to remove your hands from the dam causing the spillway to wipe out a city below.

Cindy Geilmann said...

You are so cute and just like me, so dramatic. You make a great writer. Love Love Love new computers.

Big Hugs
cindy@stitches

Lisa said...

Linda, I checked out your puke story. You win. :) Oh, wait. It wasn't a contest? You still win. Anonymous, missionary son did EXACTLY THAT another time, but tried to squeeze the vomit into a water bottle mouth hole. Mm hmm. Effective.
Sunshine, hey, I thought we were done keeping track. Crap.

Fat, Female and Forty said...

So, I puked in the MTC (ran for a nearby garbage can in the hall) and on my honeymoon after eating KFC one night. Nothing like breaking in the marriage like puking in the toilet.

Sunshine said...

oh we are ALWAYS KEEPING TRACK....