MAY

Today is supposed to be my friends' daughters' outside wedding. And it's May. In Utah. Which could choose to be any number of things, but NEVER accommodating. May has a pretty name, and therefore, people tend to think highly of her~that surely, with a name like THAT, she can't help but BE what she SOUNDS LIKE. But then again, strippers have pretty names, too...Bambi, Angel, Princess...and we all know the apple falls far from that pole.

I myself am sitting here excited to attend the outdoor track meet that is in a few hours. The metal bleachers on a slight tilt to throw your back out. The cold, whipping winds that blow rain sideways into your ear canals. The linger...loiter...kill time for hours...no, SERIOUSLY, HOURS, for an event to be called, which lasts roughly 5 minutes. Then no scores post. Then you go home.

So worth it.

We did have some fun one year though, with eldest son. It was when the sun had warmed the day, as it was closer to June. The boy had a rough day at school and I wanted to help comfort him, so I took him out to lunch for a couple of bacon cheeseburgers. You know, to settle his stomach as they're known to do.

So I kind of forgot he had a track meet later on. Oh well. Whatever. He had one of the first events and he was running the mile. And he took it seriously, as he's a strong runner. So run, run, run, five minute mile and second place. Something like that. YAY, YAY, CHEER, CHEER. He climbed into the truck for the half hour ride home with husband, and as I'm talking to Sterling on the cell phone, I hear screaming! So I scream back, "WHAT? WHAT HAPPENED?! WHAT IS IT?! A WRECK? WHAT? WHAT!"

"YOUR SON JUST PUKED ALL OVER THE TRUCK! OH MY HELL, IT'S EVERYWHERE! WHAT WERE YOU THINKING, ASH? SERIOUSLY? WHY DIDN'T YOU ROLL THE WINDOW DOWN? A WATER BOTTLE? WHAT THE?! THAT TINY...? YOU REALLY THOUGHT YOU COULD CATCH ALL THAT CHEESEBURGER PUKE IN A WATER BOTTLE? OH MY H...I'VE GOT TO GO. I'LL CALL YOU BACK."

So to clarify, as runners are known to do, they get pukey after so much exertion in running a race and when he started to feel ill, get this, he DIDN'T WANT TO ROLL DOWN THE WINDOW, AS IT WOULD GET VOMIT ON THE OUTSIDE OF THE TRUCK DOOR...bless his barfing heart, so instead, grabbed a water bottle and tried to throw up INSIDE of it. Using the one inch opening for his 5 inch, gaping, spewing orifice. But he used his hands as a kind of "connector" to funnel the fluids into the bottle. Needless to say, it was like putting a thumb over a lawn hose on full blast, spraying fermenting bacon cheeseburger chunks over the ENTIRE CAB...and the inhabitants therein.

And it baked into them...aaaaaalllll the way home.

We sold the truck.

Hope you didn't buy it. :)