MAD SKILLS

Hey friends. First things first, notice the weather? Hear those birdie songs and see the contrast between sky and cement? (For those of you outside the bi-polar state of Utah, just nod your heads and say 'yes'.) Well, you can thank me.

See, I decided to be a giver last night and plead your case to Heavenly Father. I told him you were on your last pic-line of serotonin. That you were about to build a Tower of Babel and come up there to talk to Him yourself. I told Him that, even though you were wicked and corrupt, that you were now death bed repentant and promised to throw up on your Wedding Day/First Day on the new job/In front of television crews/While at the gym working out...if He would just please, please, pleeeeeeease give you a taste of this thing called Spring.

And let it linger on your tongue.

And let it last longer than a bowel movement.

So look out your windows and say Thank You...to both of us.

You're welcome.

On another topic~the other day, I was at the Blogger Conference, and pointed out to Linda that I had received my period zits just in time to meet people I'll never see again, but who have seen my profile pic, and therefore, will always think of me as the woman with the photo shopped face. Anyway, pointed out my boils, and Linda said, "I thought you were through with all that." I assured her I was.

And then guess what?

'Member that procedure I had several weeks ago? The pasta that wouldn't thread? The many spectators gathered round my open knees? The tampon parade and the "NO MORE" blog? And who could forget the MULTIPLE WEIGH INS, BODY FAT PERCENTAGES AND DANGEROUSLY HIGH BLOOD PRESSURE BLINKING ON THE DIGITAL SCREENS? 'Member all that?

Didn't take.

That's right. Didn't. dammit. take.

Guess I was one of those "rare percentages" in that a BURNING and SEARING OF THE ENTIRE UTERINE LINING was just a little hicca-burp. My Scarlet O'Hara womb considered it a challenge and made a fancy green dress out of those singed curtains.

And I guess I should be proud that I have such will and determination, but it seems my body/psyche only responds in REBELLION. Never in alliance.

So what have we learned here today, folks? First, Lisa is generous and has power over the heavens. Second, she is also RARE, and can most likely regrow any appendage and/or guts she has removed, as she has WICKED MAD HEALING (and numchuck) SKILLS. And last and most frightening, you will need to prepare to vomit in public, as that was part of the deal.

Enjoy that spring time air, peeps! And once again, you're welcome.