Wednesday, January 6, 2010


So, Valentine's Day is approaching and I was thinking last night, around 1:00 AM, that I would share with you an adolescent Valentines Day luuuuuuv fantasy I had. Which sounded like a brilliant blog topic at the time. And then I woke up this morning and knew that, just like an acid-trip flashback, I'd had what I refer to as a creative twist flashback. Let me explain.

See, years ago, I would be up at all hours of the wee, with a child attached to a portion of my body, sucking the life juices out of me~which may have been made up of brain cells, but we'll never know for sure, right? Anyway, where was I? I forget. Wait a sec, it'll come. It usually does.

Oh yes. I'd be up all night long~intermittently, and in order to stay awake, I'd have to think~creatively.

Well, one night, I was doing some of my BEST visionary thinking, eyes propped open with toothpicks and slurched over in a rocking chair, when I had thee MOST. BRILLIANT. IDEA. THAT. HAS. EVER. FORMED. (IN A NURSING MOTHER'S BRAIN)...and that was...drumroll take creative twist (remember the wrinkled craft paper from the 80's? Yeah, that) and unravel it, (oh my gosh, this is so fantastic!) pinching it together every 12 inches (oh my heck, I can't believe nobody has ever thought of this before!) and hot glue a navy blue silk flower (never really seen one in nature, but that must be an oversight by Heavenly Father) with fake maroon baby's breath, (navy blue and maroon, totally timeless! ) at every pinch~and then attach it to the wall (with push pins, because we were renting) as a border!!! SO A CREATIVE TWIST BORDER!!! I KNOW! I KNOW!

If only it weren't 2:47 in the morning, I would SOOO pull this suckling child from my breast and call my sister to tell her about my idea. But alas, against my will, I had to go back to bed (an energizing three hour milk production break) and wait for a more appropriate hour to share this significant gift with the world.

Aaaaannnnddd....enter discernment and clarity. Two things that had open-mouth snory slumbered while I'd been up nursing and innovating. They arose when I did that morning, fully refreshed and clear headed, but unfortunately NOT quick enough on their feet to stop my fingers before I dialed Nicki's number.

Then they started arguing about who's fault it was that this rancid idea had gone unchecked for an entire 6-8 hours and didn't even notice that I'd started speaking in wild excitement into the receiver.

When they finally shut up long enough to hear me, they both ran screaming and flailing around in my brain, knocking into gray matter walls and trying to disrupt me mid-sentence. Then they shook my eyeball roots and slapped at my equilibrium until I had to grab a chair and sit down like a sobering drunk, while they briefed me on what had transpired the night before.

We had a good laugh, Nick and I. Aah. Good times. (wiping a mirthy tear) She'd been a nursing mother, too, so she understood toothpick eyelids and rogue ideas. But she's never let me live it down~and I have to say I don't blame her. That's just a gift from the sibling-rivalry and power-lording gods. And you don't look one of those in the mouth. (yeah, I don't get that whole 'gift horse" thing either~but I say it like I do)

Anyway, back to the luuuuuv idea. Not gonna share it. Nope, nope, nope. Discernment and Clarity won't let me. They're mean. They wear camouflage. And they two-finger-eyeball-point while mouthing "creative twist," when I even LOOK like I might share something silly.

So don't even ask.

Talk to the hand.


(I lied. They're on vacation. Don't be surprised if you get a call about 2:47.)


Erica said...

Oakey, doke, smoke...this one is my favorite yet! YOU are on a roll...or role - or whatever!! Fabulous work, my brilliant friend! Did you get my FB message, btw? I didn't read your comment to me from that other post until right now. I'll 'query' my dad and see where you need to start. Unless you've already gotten that far. One of these days we'll have to actually talk about this IN PERSON! :) Keep it up, author-in-training. You inspire me.

kara elmore said...

Here's the funny ... Lisa THEN passed on this "creative twist" wording to ME. So we affectionately call ANY stupid, insane, out of control BROWN idea ... creative twist. And the ONLY other stupid, insane, out of control ideas that come to my brain are when I'm preg/nursing/mad. Good thing I always run them by Lisa first thing in the morning before blogging.

And if the rest of these words didn't make me barf - then I'd write more.