Monday, January 25, 2010

DOOBIES AND BOOZE

Holy hell, my head hurts. Plus I feel nauseated, and the entire right side of my face is weeping uncontrollably and my eyes are slitted and I feel really angry and irritated, and on a totally unrelated topic, (cough*bullcrap*cough) did I mention husband snores? Well, he does. For hours and hours on end, in fact. His uvula is swollen~something he's kind of proud of. And like a giant stinker, though the sound (or stench) is hurled into the opposite wall or ceiling of the bedroom, somehow it ends up directly in my facial region. Let's just say that blessed be the Heavens for thinking up eternal marriage, as there are not too many temporal unions that could withstand the 'hounds of hell' snorting and guttural gurgling into their ear canals...all night, every night...and still stay committed and enthusiastic about their companionship. Bless his hell hound heart. Luv that man of mine.

In other news, Julia is off track. Again and still. I'd like to say I've figured out how to "enjoy that INCESSANT journey" that I keep telling OTHER people to find bliss in. But I'd be a liar. A giant, freaking, hypocritical FABRICATOR THAT HAS LOST HER SHARE OF FRESH SOCKS, AS SHE KEEPS STUFFING THEM IN HER DAUGHTER'S MOUTH TO MUFFLE THE REGURGITATION OF WORDS!!! (Jules keeps swallowing them whole, burping up lint and toe jam. OK, maybe they're not so fresh.)

And let's see. Anything else I can tell you to cheer you up? Just that Spring is on it's way. It's in Florida, right now, but it's expected any month now. Keep your prayers ascending heavenward and let's join our hands in pleading and supplication. Hope it's car doesn't break down or the balmy breezes will likely arrive by hitching a ride with a rock group's tour bus, which will taint it with doobies and booze. And I don't know about you, but I HATE it when my Spring is all liquored up.

OK, enough happy talk. Love you all. I'm off to buy more socks.



5 comments:

Neen said...

I can see where the problem lies. You are using NEW socks. You've totally missed the point. Think USED! I would be willing to forgo doing my laundry just for such a cause as this. (Only because you are my dearest friend in the world) I happen to know three grose males in my household who would be willing to contribute to the cause. You could use them for both causes. I think it would work fabelous! I may need to send the doc. over in the morning to recessatate them but that would only be done upon request!

Best of luck to you this month! Let's do lunch!

Krista said...

So sorry you're sick! Has your hubby been checked for sleep apnea? 'Cause I'm thinking the incessant sound of an air compressor can turn into white noise easier than the sound of a steady foghorn. Threaten to tear that nasty little swollen uvula out of his handsome little head! Get better!

kara elmore said...

wait - wha...huh?? Who ARE these two people who commented before ME????????? bla. stupid. Unfair!!!!

I'm proud of you for being PENNY POSITIVE about such a horrific sound that I would put an end to. WHY on EARTH don't you shove those socks in HIS mouth in the night????? Let's see him get out of THAT one all happy and cheery in the morning!?!?!?!

Lisa said...

Yeah, Krista. No apnea. Just snorea. He does so much better when he's exercising and eating correctly. And yes, don't we all.

Socks seems to be the answer to all of our problems, doesn't it?

Brenda @Just a Bed of Roses said...

I like karas idea...about the socks! I too have a snoorer....ahhhhhhh!
How you got into spring being liquored up...I dont understand how your thinking process works...but its wonderfully funny.