Thursday, January 21, 2010

SPIN DOCTOR

Know what's good? Tootie Fruities. Fist fulls.

Know what else is good? Caring about yourself enough to eat the very best.

Which is why I fill my home with all manner of very best. And you know what they say? You are what you eat...which is where it pays to be a creative thinker (spin doctor.) I submit it's all in what you actually "label" the food (toxic waste) that you ingest. People (liars) do it all the time! (Hollywood) It goes something like this~

~Adulterers become sex addicts.
~Thieves and murderers become victims of racism and poverty.
~Prostitutes become Ladies (Gaga)

See? Common.

So if you give it a pretty/fun/sparkly name, then obviously you are pretty/fun/sparkly. This is another law of the Universe, sweethearts. And remember? We don't argue with law, science or higher intelligence...unless it differs from our own (self-serving) beliefs (personal agenda.)

Take the term "lard" for instance. Little bit crude and ugly, if you ask me. So let's grab that bacon dripping, fluff it up with my robin's egg blue hand mixer, season it with vanilla and confectioner's sugar and Bippity, boppity, boo! you have "melt-in-your-mouth-scrumptious-creamy-center." You dig?

Let's try another..."empty calories." Now that seems kind of harsh and judgmental, not to mention cynical. So let's snatch that destined to be rump fat, flavor it with chocolate/caramel/cinnamon~put it in a shiny silver wrapper/freezer/miniature teddy bear form and you have, "A decadent dessert that will delight/sooth/motivate you to continue working/playing/multi-tasking." Pick your choose.

You get how this works? It's all about personal responsibility and creativity, people. And labels. And self deception. And saying something loud and long enough that other people start to believe it, too. Which brings us back to spin doctors. Which has much to do with education, because you can't BE a doctor without a great deal of schooling. Which leads us to progress...and diplomas...and as you can plainly see, we're back to that higher intelligence.

Which brings us full circle to me. That's right, me. I'm a doctor (spin.) At least I play one on this blog. Your prescription: Take two Oreos with a melt-in-your-mouth-scrumptious-creamy-center and call me in the morning.




4 comments:

Krista said...

I would take your prescription, but I've gone off chocolate. I totally agree with everything you say - Spin and Win! Love, Your sparkly/(over)eating disordered/diploma lacking friend. But almost funny!

kara elmore said...

holy crap ... remember when our cousin Jeremy played a doctor on a tv commercial in CHINA! And we were like ... OOO look if HE can do it - WE can do it. Which is where people who love the color brown come from. They play doctors on TV. We know they are fake. We know they are not real - but yet Tai Pan lovers continue to love them. Stupid spin doctors. See .... I got it!!!

kara elmore said...

btw - you have a TON of followers! Send some my way!

Really.

Do it - or I'll vomit. Shoot - already did it.

Brenda @Just a Bed of Roses said...

I'm taking a little break...you and the comments are wearing me out...maybe I will go beg my husband for a nugget ice machine while breaking. He rarely gives in to my wants...so you will probably continue to be the only woman in Utah with their own ice machine.