SHOES, CANDY AND POP

It's kind of dreary, folks. Which makes me weary. Dreary, weary and leery of what is to come for the next three months. Will this wrinkled and whiskery old man Winter suck the hope of Spring into his cavity filled mouth, only to blow it out s-l-o-w-l-y for weeks on end as cold, gray and fermented inversion? The answer is yes. Yes, most likely. Which seems to suck the breezy joy right out from under my sails and I sit down with a thud on the deck of my optimism, twiddling my peep-toe-prepped and red polished hoofs.

And so, what is a motivated and self-sustaining woman to do with a forecast such as this? Two words: buy shoes.

Two more words: eat candy.

And two more: drink pop.

Now others~"professionals" (eye-roll)~might suggest this is self-destructive behavior. People like the sinewed, angry, screamy trainers on "The Biggest Loser." Which proves one of my theories. Thin=mean.

Still others might claim that this is too simplistic; that depression and weather worry simply CANNOT be dismissed with a quick trip to Target. They might insist that years of therapy are required to figure out why I want to hide out in my bathtub for the next three months, turning the hot water on with my toes (hidden talent) while reading a good book (trashy novel,) tipping a glass of DP into my mouth and opening up York Peppermint Patties with tongue and teeth, so as not to get the pages wet. To these beard wielding over thinkers, I scoff mid ice-chomp and wrap a towel around my raisinette mid-section. (I painted that picture specifically for your brain. And no, you can't get rid of it by forking out your eyeballs.)

Oh, ye of little faith. The path is straight, and narrow the way. Simple in design, far reaching in consequence and effect, with a healthy dose of self-hatred in the end. But these are things that build character, right friends? And we'll deal with them (debt, enamel rot and abdominal pork) when we have more daylight. For now, it's too dark to see straight.

Shoes, candy and pop. Come, join us as we shop. (Totally rhymes, thus it is inspired.)

Ah-men.