Wednesday, January 13, 2010


My dear sweet Bitty Boo is in the initial stages of production on an even teenier version of herself! I KNOW! Sooooo much fun for ME! She, on the other hand, is a retching and wretched mess. Still, though, fun for ME! (joy dance and purse in hand to buy BBB (bitty boo baby) stuff.)

And remarkably entertaining. Here's how our conversation went yesterday.

Me~"So did Baby Maby sleep last night?"

Her~"Hold on." (unholy gagging sound you make right before you puke. No letters put together in print can make that sound we all have in our heads, so go ahead and pull from personal experience and make your own "gag-almost-a-vomit" sound. Go ahead, I'll wait. Out loud, not just in your head. OK, yeah, that sound.) "Kay. Ummm, yeah, kind of."

Me~(stifled and snorting laughter) "You okay?" (snicker, chortle)

Her~"Hold on." (same sound and then clearing throat) "Yeah, I'm okay." (throat clear) "Sorry, I puked so much last night that my throat flesh was mostly eaten away." (throat clear) "It should grow back though. When my body is done making another body, it'll have more time for me again."

Me~"Oh my hell." (I could have pretended that I said another word, but we all know me by now, so what's the point?) "You know, I had a migraine last night and it made me nauseous and I thought, "Oooohhhhhh. THIS is what BB feels like...but ALL THE TIME. And she can't even TAKE any medicine to make it go away cuz it'll mutant-up the baby~or lay down and know that it'll most likely be better tomorrow, cuz you actually puke in the middle of the night, right? And it's still there when you get up in the morning! So I totally understand...cuz of my migraine."

Her~"Hold on." (sound) "Yeah, thanks." (inner dialogue~Are you freakin' KIDDING ME?! You REALLY THINK that one measly, lame-A MIGRAINE and a dust particle of ' I don't feel so good' is an insight into the CRUEL NIGHTMARE THAT HAS BECOME MY LIFE?! (sound) (angry slit eyes) If only I had the power to make you feel for five minutes what I feel eternally, I could probably paste a smile over my acid washed mouth)~(sound, sound)

Me~"I heard that. I can read inner dialogue."


Me~"I forgive you."


So there you have it. PURE ENTERTAINMENT.

Now, as a side note, that which does not kill us, only makes us...nope, not stronger. Want to kill someone else. (husband)

But BB has chosen the higher ground~to learn from this experience~and is logging it in her travelogue called, "Things that I will change when I become a Goddess and in charge of my own world." All righteous seeking women have this notebook. It has headings like, "Periods, discharge and all manner of OB-GYN issues" as well as, "Arachnids, serpents and things with more than two legs that jump or maneuver at mach speed." Stuff like that, which after thoughtful and fastidious pondering, we've concluded there surely must be a better way. Seems somebody just got tired from all the creating going on as this world was being formed and delegated some really crucial issues to a lesser command (pre-schoolers.) And yes, I'm going to "a lower kingdom" for that assessment.

But since Bitty Boo is already feeling damned, the least I can do is keep her company.


kara elmore said...

In between lots and lots of gags - I totally laughed SO hard I not only gagged ... but I ran into the bathroom (that apparently hadn't been flushed by a small child!!!) and vomited. Ohhh and then I cried - because seeing this in PRINT made me realize it was real. And I can't make YOU the surrogate. And my life really IS weird right now. :) HOWEVER ... knowing that you are the QUEEN of shopaholicalism I did the joy dance 40 times knowing I'd be taken care of by you.

See - I can do hard things!! I can vomit AND count on you to buy cute things for me!! What else would a sister want in life???

Ohh and fyi - that wasn't inner dialogue. I actually said that. But I didn't say Lame A... I actually SAID it! :)

Erica said...

Ok, this one is my all-time favorite. Probably because I can relate with the feeling of wanting to kill and all of that (yes, I was pregnant...twice...but that was very long ago a for some lame reason that feeling still lingers - sometimes). Kara needs to write blog...I'm starting to look forward to her responses almost as much as your blog. Almost. You two make me wish I'd had a sister. ;)

Amberlee said...

Oh Lisa how I love how you depict our BB! Love her, love you...

P.S. Buy/make blue things... ring on a string doesn't lie.

Lisa said...

Really, Amberlee? OK, from your string to God's ears. And Erica, I don't think a woman has to be pregnant to feel the murderous instinct~it just exacerbates it. And BB, I can't believe you swore. You're a terrible influence on me and it's just amazing I'm still so pure in thought and deed after coming in contact with you on such regular occasions. (You DO need a sister, Erica. There is no replacement)

JAMAL said...

Super congrats to Bitty Boo! That's great news, in spite of the puke. Lovvve ya!

kara elmore said...

Erica - you are SOOOO LUCKY!! Because despite my freaking barfing stage of my freaking life ... I DO have a blog. Not nearly as funny as lisa - but a shameless plug nonetheless. hold please... barfing.... ok it's And Lisa would've linked me AGES ago - but bless her lame-a heart, she doesn't know how to link! :)

Erica said...

Oh my word, Kara...I just read your response. I am going in right now and catching up with your barfing and freaking life. I had dinner with Lisa last night and she implied that you are perfect. In spite of your negative influence on her...he he...j/k - she didn't REALLY say that...right, Lis? ;)