HERSHEY BAR

Okay, I'm fatter this week. And I know what's causing it. I do. It has NOTHING to do with gummy worms, (fistfulls) Pop Tarts (boxes) and Dr. Pepper, (cases) and EVERYTHING to do with Tuna Fish and string cheese. Weird, I know. But true.

Also, no matter what you think, (you're so judgmental) yesterday's family activity was about togetherness and nothing more. The fact that the five of us gathered around the fireplace and a 16 POUND Hershey bar (totally serious~they make those and we buy them. 'ts how we roll) was brought out on a silver platter (aluminum cookie sheet) and set before us like the goose in a Charles Dickens classic yesterday afternoon~knives in hand as we carved ribbons of brown ambrosia that curled and fell into melodious piles, only to be stabbed with that same knife and dropped onto waiting tongues~For an hour~Did I mention this went on for an hour? Sixty minutes of pure captivation~Just because we put our family first, it has no bearing on my reported fatterness.

And no, we didn't feel it necessary to calculate how many ribbons make up a full size bar(s)...(many, many, many bars)...because it was in a different state~like water and ice. Ribbons are not the same as squares. Plus, they have fewer calories, cuz they're THIN. And thin ribbons=thin bodies. Duh.

Now don't try to tell me it couldn't possibly be the cheese and fish causing girth increase. It is. I know it is. (Shhhhhhhh.) Nothing you say will make me believe otherwise. (la la la fingers in my ears)

And no matter what, my family means more to me than probably even high heels. I know. Really serious. So that means if it takes chocolate ribbons on a Sunday afternoon...for an hour...or until our noses bleed brown...to keep us cohesive and happy, I'll do it. I'll take one for that team. Team family. And Hershey. They come first, people. Numero uno.

String cheese and tuna fish are a distant second...or third...or maybe even closer to 89.